


Every end of a time is another begun.

by vhscore



Series: Lucretia-Centric One Shots [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Autistic Lucretia, Canon Trans Character, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lucretia has OCD, Not Beta Read, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Team as Family, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, because i love her and i hc she has bad parents, pre-stolen century, this is just about lucretia being sheltered and learning about LGBT stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 17:55:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21677878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vhscore/pseuds/vhscore
Summary: In which Lucretia is trans and a lesbian, but thanks to her (abusive) parents, she doesn't know she's not the only one. The IPRE help her see she's not alone. (im terrible at summaries just read it)---aka. I've had this idea in my head for a few days so I decided to write it, and trans lesbian Lucretia is one of my have headcanons! Also can you spot all the self projection?(Title from Ruler Of Everything by Tally Hall)
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans & Magnus Burnsides & Davenport & Merle Highchurch & Lucretia & Lup & Taako, The Director | Lucretia & Lup
Series: Lucretia-Centric One Shots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1562746
Comments: 8
Kudos: 53





	Every end of a time is another begun.

**Author's Note:**

> content warnings: mentioned/quoted parental abuse, mentioned past eating disorders

Lucretia waits patiently. The hard plastic was uncomfortable, as she figured out after 5 minutes of sitting in it. She had arrived about half an hour early, and just about 15 minutes had passed. She pulls her golden pocket watch out of the breast pocket of her white, button up shirt. 12:47. The meeting was to start at 1 o’clock sharp. She tucks the heirloom from her great-great-great-great-grandmother back into her shirt pocket, smoothing the sweater on top. 

Out of her other breast pocket, she pulls out a compact mirror. It bumps against her locket, and her heart skips a beat. As quickly as possible, she opens the mirror, running her eyes across the reflective material. She looks away the second she confirms that there are no cracks. Taking a deep breath, she calms herself. She pats the pocket of her skirt, enchanted to be bigger on the inside (just like her shirt pockets). The magic of the skirt connects with the magic imbued in her body from the many, many, many years of studying. Her inhaler is there if she needs it. 

She may be only 18 years old, but sometimes she feels much,  _ much _ older.

She checks her ponytail with her mirror, careful not to see too much of her own face. Reflecting back at her is her (natural) snow white hair. The hair pulled back into the ponytail is impeccable, just like every other time she’s checked. She clicks the mirror closed, tucking it right back into her shirt pocket. This will be the tenth time she’s done this little routine, but ten is the lucky number. Well, 25 actually is, but any multiple of five is best. She cringes as she recalls her mother calling it a silly little routine, just an unnecessary procedure. But it’s important to Lucretia. If she doesn’t do this, she’ll cry, and that’s no way to make an introduction.

She slips her hand into her skirt pocket, watching the dark blue skirt folds dangle at her ankle, the fabric bouncing with her right leg. Inhaler, check. Wallet, check. She pulls out her wallet, making sure her ID is there, right alongside her other credentials. She places it back into her pocket, taking a deep breath.

She checks her other pocket. Phone, check. 98% battery. Phone charger, just in case. Check. Earbuds, for the walk home. Check. She would have listened to music on the way there as well, but she was on the public bus, and being on the bus and unprepared always sends her into panic attacks. That’s what the doctors call the, anyways. If the music is turned up too high, she’ll get too anxious. If it’s too low, she’ll get overwhelmed. So instead, she rides in silence. That’s why she likes walking. It’s a bit chilly out, chillier than she usually walks in, but she wants to listen to music. Also, she doesn’t want to go home right after.

Pros of all these IPRE meetings: Lucretia gets to get out of the house. She gets to write. (secretary work, sure, but she volunteered and she has fun doing it and at least she can pay attention.) The entire thing is about planning to leave behind her home and her godforsaken parents.

Cons? The fact that she has to go home after all of it.

She realizes she’s zoned out a bit, and she sits up a bit straighter. Folding her hands on her lap, she tries her best to get her leg to sit still. It refuses. Just another thing that gets her mother angry, and when her mother’s angry, her father’s sure to follow. But they aren’t here now. She doesn’t have to force it, she doesn’t have to minimize it. In fact, she’s alone now. Slowly, she raises her hand, shaking. She starts to tap on her collarbone when-

Footsteps.

She shoots her hand back down, into her lap. Taking a deep breath, she sits up, straightening her back as straight as it can go. She begins to count, taking deep breathes. By the time she reaches 30, the door opens.

A gnomish man of about 3 or so feet walk into the room, his orange hair cut neatly, his mustache groomed. He hums, his eyes closed, as he closes the door behind him. He turns around, opens his eyes, and jumps. Lucretia stands up, walking forward to meet him, hand out to shake.

“Captain Davenport! So nice to see you again.” She’s read the name list more times than she can count (that’s a lie, it was 50 times total). The only name she recognized was Captain Andrew Davenport, who had been there when she was interviewed. Besides that, she has memorized everyone’s names, wondering what her crewmates might look like and act like. She hopes they’re kind, better than her biological family, at least. She can’t wait for the day they take off.

“Yes, yes! You’re Lucretia, I remember you, the girl wonder!” Davenport praises, taking her hand in both of his. He lets go of her hands, and starts walking to the door to the meeting room where everyone will show up. It will be the first time everyone on the IPRE crew will be in the same room at the same time. 

The meeting room is boring, to put it plainly. The concrete gray carpet matches the color of the rolling chairs and the table. The walls are only a bit lighter. There’s a whiteboard on one wall, with four colored markers. Black, red, green, and blue. Lucretia makes note of this, just like she notes all the details other people don’t bother to notice. The captain snaps her out of her investigating.

“Could you give me a hand, Ms. Lucretia? I need to push this table out of the way, and I’m afraid out guns aren’t here yet.” 

“Of course, captain!” She replies. “And you can just call me Lucretia.”

Once the table is pushed out of the way, Davenport pulls out seven chairs, placing them in a bit of an oval-circle. 

“I noticed you don’t have anything for roll call, sir. Would you like me to write names on the board so we can make sure we have everyone when the time comes around?” Davenport gives Lucretia a bit of a surprised look, and her face heats up.  _ Too much, _ she thinks, even though she knows she can’t help it. He  _ has _ to like her. Or else she might not go on the expedition. 

“Sure, Lucretia, do you need the name list, or-” before Davenport could finish, Lucretia already started writing down all six names, leaving out Davenport’s, in red and black. After she finishes, she puts a green checkmark next to her name.

“I can do this,” she says to him. “I would like something to do instead of twiddling my thumbs while we wait for the others to arrive,”

Davenport nods. “Fair enough.”

Someone knocks on the door and he walks over, opening it up. A fairly tall,  _ very _ buff human man is standing there. “Hi, captain!” he says, leaning down and giving the gnome a hug, picking him up slightly. The gnome tries his best to hug back. He looks like he’s not quite used to this treatment, but the man probably does this a lot. His auburn hair is a bit unruly, and his sideburns are majestic. As he sets Davenport down, he steps over to Lucretia. On instinct, she takes a step back and makes herself a bit smaller. The man must see this because he takes a step back as well. 

“Oh, sorry, Miss! Sometimes I get a little overexcited! I know I’m big, but I won’t hurt you! I’m really nice.” After a second, he seems to get his bearings. “Oh sorry, my name’s Magnus. I’m the guns of this crew!” He flexes, showing off his biceps. Lucretia just nods, checking off his name on the whiteboard.

“I’m Lucretia, and I’ll be the chronicler of the voyage.” Magnus smiles really wide. 

“Oh boy! This is going to be super fun! You’re very pretty, too,” he adds, but it’s not so much of an afterthought as it is a genuine compliment he wasn’t sure how to deliver. It doesn’t seem flirty, just kind. Lucretia’s lips turn up.

The next newcomers aren’t too interesting. Barry Bluejeans, a simple human man who is here for the science. Then Merle, a dwarf, with flowers in his big beard. He’s informing Lucretia about the word of Pan when a voice calls from the doorway.

“What is groovy, my dudes!” Magnus runs up to greet them, gathering the two that just entered in a big hug, just like he did for the last two. After setting them down, Lucretia can see details of their faces easier.

Two elves that are strikingly similar.  _ These are the siblings, _ Lucretia thinks, checking off the only two names on the board that have the same last name. By the looks of it, they’re twins. They both have a medium dark skin tone, with freckles scattered across their noses and cheeks. They both have blonde hair which is either natural or a  _ very _ good dye job. The female one has hair cut in a choppy bob, and her brother has long hair tied in a side braid. They both wear matching red cropped sweatshirts with black sweatpants. They both have some colorful patches sewn onto their sleeves. Once Magnus finishes with introductions, the girl leads the boy over to Lucretia.

“Hi! I’m Lup, and this is my twin brother Taako. You’re Lucretia, right? You’re the one who tied with us for top scores on all the tests. I’m happy to meet you in person, Lucy!” She gives Lucretia a handshake, which Lucretia is a bit taken aback by. It’s not that Lup did anything wrong, just that she’s… very pretty. Lucretia shoves that back into the box she keeps the rest of her attraction. 

Lucretia turns to say hi to Taako, but he’s already moved on. When Lup turns to see where he went- with Magnus- Lucretia gets a look at her. She has bags under her eyes, and is too skinny to be healthy. Lucretia can relate to that. Sometimes she doesn’t eat because she’s studying, other times it’s conscious. Either way, she’s worried for the elf.

Something else that catches her eye, however, is the colorful patches on the side of Lup’s sleeve. 

“Lup?” Lucretia asks, pulling the elf’s attention back to her.

“What’s up, Lucy?” she replies, turning back to Lucretia.

“What are those, uh, patches on your sleeve?” 

Taako, upon hearing this, rushes back over, Magnus following right behind. The elf’s sudden speed draws the attention of the rest of the crew.

“Do you have a  _ problem _ with my  _ sister _ ?” he asks, putting his arm around her shoulder in a defensive pose. Lucretia is surprised.

“What? Why would I? I just want to know what they mean,” Lucretia explains, heart beating quicker. Her breathing starts to speed up, and she can feel herself physically panicking. She can’t just whip out her inhaler in front of everyone, so she tries to discreetly take deep breaths. She must not have been discreet enough because Lup takes one of her hands.

“It’s okay, Lucretia. I don’t mind explaining.” She gives the woman a soft smile, and that helps a little. She thinks that as long as Lup isn’t angry, Taako won’t be either.

Taako just rolls his eyes and pulls Magnus and Barry over to a corner where he starts telling them a (very loud) story that involves a porcupine, a frog, and six toothbrushes. Davenport and Merle drift over to listen as well, and then it’s just Lucretia and Lup. The second Davenport’s attention has shifted, Lucretia pulls out her inhaler. It’s almost immediate relief after the fresh air settles in her lungs. She tucks it back in, and looks at where Lup still has her hand, playing with it. 

“Sorry about Taako,” she starts, “he’s pretty defensive when it comes to my, uh, personal stuff. Gender stuff? I’m not sure how to classify it,”

She turns her body to the side a bit, so Lucretia can see the patches easier. Lup lets go of Lucretia’s hand, and it drifts up to touch the patches. They look homemade, out of scraps of fabric, but neat. 

“The blue, pink, and white one is the transgender flag.”

“What’s that?”

Lup looks at her in a bit of shock “Oh, uh, I would’ve thought that the smartest girl ever would have learned about that stuff. It basically means, uh… oh, how do I explain… basically, I was born a boy and had a boy’s name and everything, but I didn’t feel, like, connected to being a boy. But when I thought of myself as a girl, it was like everything clicked. So I chose the name ‘Lup’ because I like it a lot, and Taako and I worked together to magic my parts in the way I feel most comfortable with.”

Lucretia looks at Lup, mouth gaping open and eyes wide. “There’s a  _ word _ for that?” she exclaims, catching the attention of a few of the others.

“Yeah! Why, do you feel more like a boy? Or neither boy or girl?” Lup asks, now very interested to what caused that reaction.

“No, I’m like you, but when I told my parents they brought me to the doctor to ask what was wrong with me. They told my parents a word- trans… transsexual? I was a room away so it was hard to hear, but they said that was me, and they’ve been curing me since.”

“...Curing?”

“Yeah, I’m not old enough to get surgery yet, so I take pills since I don’t like shots.”

“Lucretia, it isn’t a thing that can be cured,”

“Then why do I take the pills and stuff? They won’t even tell me what they’re called, and the only time I tried to find out, I got in huge trouble cause I got caught.”

“It sounds like that’s estrogen. It just boosts or estrogen levels so you look more feminine. It’s not a thing you have to be ashamed of or that has to be cured. It’s just a part about yourself. If you want to hide it that’s your choice, but I’m very open and proud about it. That’s why I wear it on my sleeve, literally.”

Lucretia nods at this. She hasn’t heard of anyone like her before. She wonders what else her parents haven’t told her. 

“So what do the colors mean?”

“They’re the pride flag. And this flag under it, this is the bisexual flag.”

“What’s that?”

“Bisexual is when you like two or more genders. I like dudes and girls, and I’ll partake in a nonbinary person now and then if they strike my fancy. Uh, nonbinary is when you’re not a boy or a girl. It’s a big umbrella for lots of terms, or you can just use it on its own.”

“...Is there a word for liking only girls?”

“Yeah, it’s lesbian!”

“Lesbian…” Lucretia says, feeling how the word fits in her mouth, on her tongue. 12 years of repressing emotions and attraction when her parents could have just told her a word.

“There’s also gay! I’m, uh, assuming you haven’t heard of that?” Lucretia shakes her head. Lup turns around and calls out, “Hey Taako! Get your stupid ass over here!”

Taako stops his story and everyone else looks over. He rolls his eyes and groans. “C’mon Lup! I just got to the fifth toothbrush!” Despite complaining, he trudges over. Lup grabs him by the shoulders and pushes him a little so Lucretia can see the symbol- the flag, on his arm.

“That’s the flag for gay, when you’re a dude who likes dudes. It’s a rainbow.” She lets go of his shoulders to point at the little flag. “It’s also kinda a catch-all term for the LGBT community. Er, the Lesbian-Gay-Bi-Trans etcetera community.”

Lucretia nods, as Magnus cocks his head. “We’re talkin’ about gay rights?” 

Like clockwork, Barry and Merle call out “Gay rights.”

“I’m bi,” Magnus says, putting a hand over his chest. “Also trans! Captain, can I show my scars! I didn’t pay 800 gold to walk around with a shirt on!” Davenport sighs before giving him a small nod. Magnus gets a wicked grin before he pulls up his shirt, two visibly lighter scars under his chest. He pulls his shirt back down, but looks very proud. His smile is infectious and so is his bravery. Lucretia’s lips turn up as she finds out she’s not alone. Barry steps up. 

“I’m bi, too! I’m also trans,” he says, raising his hand. Merle raises his bible (has he been carrying that around this entire time?).

“I’m pan!” he laughs at his own joke. “Seriously though! It matches Him perfectly,”

“Pan?” Lucretia questions.

“He can like anyone regardless of gender,” Lup supplies. 

Taako leans over to Davenport. “What about you, Cap’n? Or are you our token cishet?”

Lucretia leans over, whispering to Lup. “Cishet?”

Lup turns to her, whispering back, “Cisgender and heterosexual. Not trans and a guy who likes girls, or girls who like guys.” 

Lucretia feels her face heat up at the proximity of hers to Lup’s.  _ Why are girls just… so pretty, _ she thinks as Lup turns back to Davenport. He’s stroking his mustache.

“Well, I certainly didn’t expect to come out at our very first group meeting, but oh well.” He pulls out two small pieces of parchment from his back pants pockets. He rubs them together and with a magical  _ POP _ , one turns into a full size rainbow flag and the other into a full size trans flag. 

“Do you… do you just carry those around?” Barry asks incredulously. Davenport just shrugs as he rubs them together again, POP’ing them into their original forms. He tucks them back into his back pockets. 

Everyone’s quiet for a second before Lucretia pipes up. “Well, this has been a learning experience. I’m trans, too. And, according to Lup, uh… le-les…” Lucretia turns back to Lup. She mouths ‘ _ lesbian _ ’. “Uh… lesbian.”

Taako pats her head and starts chanting, “One of us! One of us!” Magnus and Merle chime in, as does Lup. Barry starts chanting as well, but he looks more nervous and a bit confused than excited. Davenport just sighs and places his head in his hand. Soon, everyone devolves into cheers.

“Well,” Davenport starts after everyone has calmed down. “I have some icebreaker games that I wanted to play, now that we’ve been acquainted.” He motions for everyone to sit in a circle on the floor, and Lucretia smiles a bit wider. 

About two hours later, everyone has made plans to meet up at the local Subway for dinner at 5 o’clock. Magnus offered to pay, and everyone was down. There was a group using the meeting room at 3:30, but everyone still wanted to hang out. 

As Lucretia waves goodbye to everyone, plugging her earbuds into her phone, she smiles. 

_ Is this what family is like? _

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a little thing I want to start! Whenever I get an idea for a Lucretia-centric fic, I'm gonna write it! I'm also currently in a D&D group where we're going through the cycles of the Stolen Century that the Mcelroy's didn't show on the podcast, so some stuff may be based off games in there!
> 
> Also Lup x Lucretia isn't planned to be endgame, Lucretia just likes girls very very much (and like, who doesn't?)
> 
> \---
> 
> Tumblr: @dbawsol
> 
> Have a prompt/suggestion for this collection? Comment!


End file.
